With the Strength of a Malkieri
by Plaidly Lush
Summary: When Nynaeve entered the ter'angreal that last time, she could not break away from happiness with Lan. Then one day, she rediscovers the real world, in which everything has fallen apart, and nothing is as Nynaeve would expect. Rating for violence
1. An Almost Memory

After reading the second book, I always wondered, "What if Nynaeve had stayed in the ter'angreal?" If you've read a story like this before, well, I didn't copy or anything.   
  
I don't own any characters or objects from WOT. So there.   
  
Chapter 1- An Almost Memory  
  
Nynaeve stood on the balcony, her blue robe brushing against her skin as it shifted in the wind. The silk felt wondrously good on her flesh. Her eyes closed as she felt the hand on her shoulder.   
  
"The dreams again?" Lan's deep voice was comforting.   
  
She nodded without turning around. "Lan, do you ever dream of Moiraine?"   
  
"More often than I would like."   
  
Nynaeve hesitated. She had never told Lan about the dreams, but he had figured out what was troubling her on his own. "I keep dreaming of Egwene, and Mat and Perrin. But I always dream of Rand. Every day for at least a year now. Longer. I don't know why. I always dream of Rand."   
  
"What do you think it could mean?" Lan wrapped his arms around her.   
  
"I think they are in trouble," she whispered. "But I don't know how that could be. They announced when they gentled Rand three years ago. He is not in danger of channeling any longer. The others must have returned to Emond's Field, except Egwene. She would be safe in the White Tower. I don't know what is wrong with me."   
  
Lan spun her to face him. His eyes, once colder than death, now were full of love. He lifted the heavy ring of Malkier from her chest for a moment. "I would not pledge my life to a woman if I thought she was not worthy. Nothing is wrong with you."   
  
Nynaeve searched his eyes, but read nothing in them. Sighing slowly, she leaned into his arms, pressing her face to his chest. He kissed the top of her head gently. "Lan, what would I do without you?" She knew she wouldn't.   
  
"I could not say. But perhaps I should have breakfast brought for us?"   
  
"Yes." When Lan led her by the waist into their room, she found that their breakfast was already there. She smiled at her husbands ability to always be one step ahead. He must have ordered breakfast the moment he woke up and found the bed empty beside him. He had done so every time he woke to find her gone. She should have known, but she was distracted. The dreams had been worse this time.   
  
They were always hazy. She only remembered the faces, but the things people did or said faded from her mind the moment she awoke. This time, she remembered images of danger and chains. She shuddered involuntarily.   
  
"Are you cold?" Lan asked.   
  
"No, husband. I am fine." Nynaeve lowered herself into the chair he pulled out for her. Their faces twisted in pain, each crying, "Help!" as they faded into mist. A face with fire cracking behind the eyes had laughed as each of them was tortured, running from danger. Laughed as only evil would, or could. And Lan. Lan's face, distorted with rage and pain. Nynaeve bit her lip to keep from crying out.   
  
In an attempt to hide her unmerited concern, she raised her cup of tea to her lips. Lan stared at her intently. "Sometimes dreams can show us things in reality. Even if you do not like them, you cannot dismiss them. They mean more than we know."   
  
Nynaeve tried to glare at him, but far from succeeded. The images from her dream were too fresh in her mind. Lan chewed slowly. Nynaeve wondered for the millionth time why they always had to sit at opposite ends of the table.   
  
"Mother?" Maric said as he poked his head into their room. "Ah, there you are. Father told me to come back a few minutes later when I came to look in a few minutes ago. I am planning to ride out to the lake today. May I take Rescir with me?" Maric had grown into a handsome, tall sixteen, and Rescir, Nynaeve's youngest child, was almost nine years old. He looked up to Maric the way Elnore looked up to her.   
  
"Which lake?" Nynaeve asked. Maric had once gone out to the Great Feldor Lake unaccompanied, and when she had chastised him later, he had said simply, "You said I could go to the lake." She was always careful to ask exactly where her children went.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, Mother," Maric said lightly. "We'll be at Lake Noiell, and I promise we will not go to any other lake."   
  
Nynaeve smiled slightly as she nodded. Maric kissed her cheek and greeted his father before racing off. Lan and Nynaeve admired his persistence. No matter how much they taught Rescir, Maric always tried to make him do exactly what he himself had done at his age. (a/n. that sentence is kind of confusing, but I didn't know any other way to write it. It's late, don't kill me.)  
  
Elnore walked by, trailing thoughtfully behind Sharina, the resident Aes Sedai. Elnore was now Accepted for two years, and Sharina had asked the Amyrlin to "borrow" Elnore for a special project. Nynaeve got up from her barely touched breakfast and walked back out to the balcony.   
  
Peering down into the gardens, Nynaeve noticed a strange shimmer among the roses. The few guards who passed did not appear to see it, or their swords would have been out in a fraction of a flash. But it was there, distinct though faint. It was just barely there, she relented, but constant, and most definitely real.   
  
Seeing Sharina had stirred up some strange memories, and this strange silver shimmer brought more bubbling to the surface. Memories of when she had seen a silver arch.   
  
* "Not this," she said. "I cannot face this. Anything but this."*   
  
Why would she have said that? She put that day from her mind, usually, but she could not push it back this time. She remembered. She glanced at Lan. She knew he remembered, too, though he never spoke of it.   
  
* When she opened her eyes, the arch was gone…* What was the purpose of that arch? She thought she should know, but she could not remember. Did it matter? She had lived happily without that knowledge for eight years. Longer, for that matter, but eight years since she had seen the silver arch.   
  
And then another memory. It was a faint picture, as though it had not really happened, or it had happened to someone else…  
  
* Lan's voice slid across her concentration; she refused to let herself hear it. There had to be a way back still. Staring at where the silver arch had been, she tried to find some trace of it. There was nothing.   
  
"Nynaeve…"   
  
She tried to picture the arch in her mind, to shape it and form it to the last detail, curve of gleaming metal filled with a glow like snowy fire. It seemed to waver there, in front of her, first there between her and the trees, then not, then there.   
  
"…I love you…"   
  
She drew at saidar-*  
  
Nynaeve started out of her reverie. She had never learned to channel. Sharina Sedai had discovered her ability after she married Lan, but she had never learned to control it… She heard Lan drop his clothes on the floor inside and pull fresh garments out of the wardrobe.   
  
*…The flickering arch firmed, steadied, stood whole before her. Fire and pain seemed to fill her; her bones felt as if thery were burning; her skull seemed a roaring furnace.   
  
"…with all my heart."   
  
She ran toward the silver curve, not letting herself look back. She had been sure the bitterest thing she would ever hear was Marin al'Vere's cry for help as Nynaeve abandoned her, but-*   
  
When had she abandoned Marin al'Vere? Would she have done such a thing? Yet it was included in the memory. She did not want to go on, but the memory forced itself on her.   
  
*-that was honey beside the sound of Lan's anguished voice pursuing her. "Nynaeve, please don't leave me."   
  
The white glow consumed her.*   
  
She gasped as a black wall slammed itself between her mind and the images plaguing her. She almost remembered- but it was not enough.   
  
The silver shimmer was solidifying as she watched it. Still none of the guards could see. They seemed to look right through it.   
  
As quickly as she could, Nynaeve changed into one of her more simple dresses. It was blue silk, with an interestingly curved neckline, embroidered in tiny white rosebuds with green vines along the neck and down the sleeves. The skirts were also embroidered, with sinuous lines of green. The stems on the skirt boasted miniscule thorns.   
  
Lan asked her what was wrong. Nynaeve told him nothing. She took nothing with her but her dark cloak. It seemed to shift color sometimes, but that was only the ingenious way it had been woven. Nothing like Lan's warder cloak, which he never wore.   
  
He followed her down into the garden. "Nynaeve, what is wrong?" he asked again. She did not turn around. When she reached the silver shimmer, it had turned into a silver arch. She almost remembered, but it was not enough.   
  
"Tell me what is the matter." Lan took her arm in a strong hand. Nynaeve looked into his eyes one last time. They were desperate. She knew the tears welling up in her own eyes would not help.   
  
"I have to know," she said simply, and turned away. With a deep breath, she took another step toward the arch.   
  
"Nynaeve…"   
  
She wanted to shut out his voice. The pain she heard made her wince inwardly, but on the outside, she was as steadfast as a Queen of Malkier had ever been. Morgase would even have envied her calm appearance.   
  
"…I love you…"   
  
But on the inside, her heart, soul, and spirit were crumbling. And she had thought the not-quite-memory had been bad. If Marin al'Vere's cries were honey compared to that, then that was rapture compared to the act of leaving Lan.   
  
"…with all my heart."   
  
It was beyond her control. The tears spilled over as she stepped through the arch.   
  
End Chapter 1  
  
*sigh of relief*. That took a long time. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I finally got to finish it!!! Any suggestions or corrections of the actual story, I would appreciate. It's been a while since I read all the books. Oh, and if anyone could tell me the name of the male a'dam (if it has one) and describe it to me (I forgot which book it was in, so can't go look it up) I would love you forever. Not in a creepy way though. Ahem.   
  
If you got this far, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks. ;) 


	2. Twisted Reality

Chapter 2- Twisted Reality  
  
As soon as Nynaeve stumbled out of the arch, her memories came in a torrent. She fell to her knees on the cold stone. Forgetting the dignity of a queen, she sobbed, and screamed, "No!"   
  
Her life with Lan had never happened. She had entered the ter'angreal for the third time during her test to become Accepted. She had found herself in the kingdom of Malkier, married to Lan. She had known she could not stay. Then Lan had kissed her, and it all went away. But it had not been real.   
  
"My god," a voice whispered. "You are alive. I never expected…stand up, child, the ceremony will be over in a moment, and then you can cry as much as you have to."   
  
Nynaeve looked into the face of Sheriam, the Mistress of Novices. She remembered the end of the test. She stood, shivering, and knelt before the Amyrlin. Hot tears fell onto her bare chest, but she kept her back erect and stared straight ahead.  
  
The Amyrlin emptied the chalice of water over her head. "You are washed clean of Nynaeve al'Meara from Emond's Field. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in the heart and soul. You are Nynaeve al'Meara, Accepted of the White Tower."   
  
Nynaeve wanted to scream at the woman. No matter what they said, she could not forget what it felt like to have a family, and a man who loved her. She ignored the Amyrlin saying her name gently. The Amyrlin knelt on the ground in front of her. Mildly surprised, she raised her head to look into the Amyrlin's eyes, and was shocked speechless.   
  
After a few minutes of silence, Nynaeve allowed her emotions to boil to the surface, and fell into Egwene's arms. She sobbed quietly, "Lan…my children…oh, Light!"   
  
"Nynaeve, I know that what you had to face in the ter'angreal was hard, but it was not real. You defeated it. It is past. You cannot let what you had to face rule your life."   
  
"You don't understand, Egwene," Nynaeve shook her head. A blanket was placed around her shoulders. "I was happy. It cannot have been imaginary. I was happy. I had a daughter, and two sons. And-" she broke off before mentioning Lan. She did not want whoever else was in the room to know her feelings for him.   
  
Egwene regarded her for a moment. "I am sorry, Nynaeve. Believe me, I know it is hard to let go of the things you had to face in there. I know." Nynaeve looked into her eyes. Egwene did know. She had a look in her eyes, one of tormented guilt and sadness so deep Nynaeve did not know how she could bear it.   
  
It dawned on her that she was now facing her oldest friend. She managed a weak smile as she moved to embrace Egwene tightly. "I am glad to see you. But look at you." She pulled away slowly. Egwene looked just as she had eight years ago, except that she had gained the ageless look of an Aes Sedai. And the seven-striped stole of the Amyrlin Seat hung around her shoulders. "How did you ever get to be the Amyrlin Seat?"  
  
Egwene exchanged looks with a woman standing behind her. "It is kind of a long story. Suffice to say, for now, I was a puppet with a mind of my own." She helped Nynaeve to her feet. It was then that she saw who the other woman was.   
  
"Elayne." She hugged the Daughter-Heir as well. From Nynaeve's observation, she was also an Aes Sedai. One face was missing, however. "Where is Min?"   
  
Egwene closed her eyes briefly. "Min. We lost Min- a few years ago. Nynaeve, I am sorry. This all needs more explanation than I can give at the moment. I have many things to attend to. I almost did not have time to tend to this," she admitted, waving toward the ter'angreal, "but we need you. I will see you as soon as I can. Sheriam."   
  
The flame-haired Aes Sedai aided Nynaeve in putting on the dress of the Accepted, white with a band of seven colors down near the hem. She felt the tears drying on her cheeks as she thought, *some things haven't changed around here*. She was presented with the ring, a serpent biting its own tail, which went on the third finger of her left hand.   
  
"I will show you to your room," Sheriam said, and started from the room. Nynaeve glanced at the five other Aes Sedai in the stone chamber before following.   
  
"Sheriam? I mean, Sheriam Sedai. What has happened?"   
  
She looked over her shoulder. "I think that is for the Amyrlin to tell you, when she sees fit."   
  
Nynaeve sighed, but mumbled, "Yes, Sheriam Sedai." She walked along silently until Sheriam stopped. She indicated the doorway across the hall and waited for Nynaeve to go in. Before turning the knob, Nynaeve spun to face Sheriam. "How long has it been since I disappeared?" It seemed a strange thing to say.   
  
"Fifteen years, Nynaeve."   
  
She stopped dead. "No," she protested meekly. "It was eight years. Eight years. Maric was eight, and now he is sixteen…" She stopped when she realized she was talking about her son, who did not exist in this world.   
  
Sheriam seemed to be thinking of something to say. "It is real when you are there," she said at last. "Well, I think the Amyrlin should know this. If time passes differently than in this world, the ter'angreal could be something like a portal stone… well, goodnight, Accepted."   
  
Nynaeve had seen an Accepted's room once before. This looked nothing like it. It was too lavishly decorated, though compared to her room in Lan's palace, it was simple. Thinking of Lan made her want to cry. She bit her bottom lip.   
  
The curtain was open the slightest bit, blowing a little in the breeze, and through the tiny opening the night shone. Nynaeve yawned. Finding out that she had lived the last eight years in a nonexistent world was tiring. She climbed into the bed, mentally commenting on the softness of the sheet, and drifted into sleep.   
  
In her dreams, she saw her husband's face over again. She left him thousands of times, and it hurt more each time she stepped through the arch. When she woke, she felt her cheeks. She had been crying in her sleep.   
  
End Chapter 2  
  
So what do you think? Please review. :) 


	3. Gone

Aww, I love you guys. I haven't had much time recently, but today I have all afternoon… I'm so glad this is going over well. Sorry for killing off Min (that's for White-wolf), but she died. Well, yeah, you guys inspired me to write my next chapter with all your wonderful reviews. This chapter is pretty heavy-duty stuff. Get Ready. Are you ready? Good. Here we go.   
  
Disclaimer- I don't own them, oh no.   
  
Chapter 3- Gone  
  
Nynaeve followed Egwene through the low doorway. They were flanked by five Aes Sedai on either side. It had been a few days since she had emerged from a life created from her imagination. Surprisingly, Nynaeve herself was treated almost on the same level as an Aes Sedai, and many of them showed her reverent respect. She was confused, but Egwene had simply brushed it aside and promised to explain later.   
  
The room they entered was a large circular room of plain gray stone. Nothing at all broke the dull walls, not even a torch to give off light. Three of the Aes Sedai were maintaining a ball of light near the ceiling. The rest seemed to be holding saidar, but not using it, tense and waiting.   
  
"Egwene, what is going on?"   
  
One of the Aes Sedai glanced her way. She and Elayne were the only women she had encountered who called Egwene by her name. Some protocol was still expected by most, but as Egwene herself had not commented, no one else would reprimand her. It was not customary for the Amyrlin to be friends with an Accepted, but everyone kept telling her times had changed, anything could be expected.   
  
"You remember when we were in the Blight, all those years ago."   
  
"I remember."   
  
"You found out Rand could channel."   
  
"Yes." She wondered how that could be relevant. Rand had been gentled…then she remembered that never happened.   
  
"Rand is the Dragon Reborn, Nynaeve. He was proclaimed some time after you disappeared. He learned somewhat how to safely touch saidin. Maybe safely is not the right word…"   
  
At that moment, six women ducked through the door. Followed them, apparently involuntarily, was a very tall man with reddish hair, hunched over to almost half his height. He straightened slowly. Nynaeve gasped when Rand's eyes pierced hers. He smiled sadly, as though not believing she was really there. A contraption of black chains bound him to the women. He followed them obediently to the middle of the room. The rest of them, except Egwene and herself, took an unconscious step backward.   
  
"What is this? What happened to him?"   
  
Egwene tore her eyes away from Rand with difficulty. Nynaeve was torn between sympathy and anger. It had to have been Egwene who had ordered this done to him. Seeing Egwene struggle to keep her tears under control, sympathy won over.   
  
"He started a Black Tower, for men who could channel. He recruited Mazrim Taim to help him teach them. They managed to help the boys, and I admit I thought we would be able to let them live out their lives alone. But Rand- he began to slip. He would make mistakes. Sometimes, he could not touch the True Source at all, and sometimes it came unbidden. We could not gentle him, though. We would not have had a chance at Tarmon Gai'don. But after the Last Battle, he just lost control. Mountains crumbled under his feet. He begged us to kill him, to keep him from breaking the world, but he is our only chance to win. We did the only thing we could do."   
  
Nynaeve stared at Egwene, then turned her stunned gaze to Rand. He had always been an amazingly calm man, compared to Mat at least, and his future was promising. His eyes were dull. It was almost as if he were already dead, but his body was still living.   
  
"And so you let him suffer, because you need him for some twisted Aes Sedai purpose."   
  
Saidar welled up in her. It scared her, but she reached out for it anyway. She found it to be much like running into a wall of thick glass.   
  
Nynaeve knew at once that she was shielded. She looked at Egwene for help, not expecting any. "With the True Source, you are a child, Nynaeve," she said sternly. "A child who has barely learned to crawl. But nonetheless, you have more potential than anyone has for many years. Just try to be open to what you see."   
  
She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. The shield would not be lifted until she was no longer angry. It worked to get her outward appearance under control, and she knew the shield was gone, but it was no longer needed.   
  
"Why do you find this necessary?" Nynaeve asked. She shut her eyes, not wanting to hear the answer. Surprisingly, none came.   
  
Opening her eyes, she looked at Egwene, who was studying her. After a moment, she turned toward the door. "Follow me."   
  
With a backwards glance toward Rand, she went after Egwene. Elayne followed, but the rest of the Aes Sedai remained in place.   
  
Egwene walked for quite a while, up countless flights of stairs, past novices and Accepted running about their chores. The Accepted glanced briefly at her as they passed. They seemed to be wondering whether Nynaeve was in trouble or in favor with the Amyrlin.   
  
Elayne's expression revealed her wish to speak. She did not, however, and the only sound was their shoes clicking rapidly on the floor.   
  
Egwene stopped who knows how high above ground level, and gestured out a window. Nynaeve looked, wondering what she wanted her to see.   
  
The warders were practicing below, moving fluidly through forms, against another or alone. One man stood observing it all, once in a while barking out an order. Beyond that stood the city of Tar Valon, as busy as Nynaeve remembered it, but with an air of apprehension. Puzzled, she looked questioningly at Egwene. The woman gestured out to window. Nynaeve looked out again. Still farther, she could see the land beyond the river. It was barren and dry, all fire and dust. The land had turned, as she had so often scolded Mat for saying, to blood and ashes.   
  
Speechless, she turned away from the window. Egwene's eyes looked far away lost in a memory. "When Tarmon Gai'don came, Rand thought he was ready to meet the Dark One. I had faith that he was ready, and we would be safe. But when he met the Dark One, he could not touch the True Source. The strangest thing was, neither could anyone else. It was as though it had disappeared all together. Our most reliable weapon had gone, and it was not recovered for three full weeks. Min tried to give herself up for Rand, but he- the Dark One- just killed her. Right in front of Rand, he skinned her alive in the stretch of one second, and stabbed her through the heart. He talked about it a lot, for the first year. She did not cry out or beg for mercy. She simply asked that Rand be spared." Egwene smiled wryly. "And sure enough, he was."   
  
"What are you saying, Egwene?"   
  
The woman turned to face her. Her eyes now held a look of defeated hope. "We lost Tarmon Gai'don."   
  
Nynaeve could not believe what she was hearing. "What- how-?"   
  
"We still do not know." Elayne shook her head as she spoke. "Rand- he thinks it is his fault. We still need him, though. It is not over."   
  
"It is my belief that Tarmon Gai'don is really a war," Egwene said. "We have had the first battle, but it is not nearly over. We will not give up so easily."   
  
"What about Perrin and Mat?"   
  
"Faile- Perrin's wife- was taken by Trollocs. He went after her. When his instincts take over, his logic is left behind. We still do not know whether he made it. For all we know, he could be alive in a hole somewhere, or believing he is a king in some distant land. Mat is fine, he should be around here somewhere. I do not have time to keep track of him constantly, but even he is smart enough not to leave Tar Valon." Egwene sounded reluctant to speak of Perrin, and rather annoyed by the subject of Mat.   
  
Nynaeve looked out the window again. "Why, what is outside of Tar Valon?"   
  
"Nothing. Tar Valon and the Aiel Waste are all that is left to us. The rest of the world has been taken. It is infested with Trollocs and Myrddraal, Darkfriends and the Forsaken would turn up the moment someone set foot on that land."   
  
"And the Two Rivers?" Nynaeve whispered.   
  
"I'm sorry. It was destroyed. None from our home are left alive."   
  
Nynaeve did not know what to say. Feeling tears, she turned away, and without a word started back down the nearest flight of stairs.   
  
She cut a winding path through the garden, staring blindly at the ground. She did not see the flowers in full bloom, or the young warders in training looking over from their field to see the Accepted wandering during study hours. She did not see anything until she walked into what seemed to be a brick wall.   
  
Before she fell backward, hands caught and steadied her. She looked up to see who she had walked into. Her breath caught when her eyes met his.   
  
It was Lan.   
  
End Chapter 3  
  
Wow. I, at least, thought that was a pretty loaded chapter. I thought it would be longer. It actually took a few hours to write, but you know how it is. Anyway, this finishes giving the background for the story. I hope a certain one of you is satisfied that Min did something noble. Ahem. So what do you think? Please Review!!! :) 


	4. An Unwanted Friend

I'll just go right into this one. Disclaimer. I don't own them. So :PPPPP  
  
Chapter 4- An Unwanted Friend  
  
"Nynaeve." Lan sounded surprised. Which meant she was the last person he expected to see.   
  
Nynaeve's throat tightened. She tried to give a name to his expression. *Let me think…surprised, wondering…relieved. Why relieved?*   
  
"How are you, Nynaeve?"   
  
For what seemed like the hundredth time in the past few days, Nynaeve felt tears creeping from behind her eyes. Lan was the only one who had needed to ask. She had the feeling he knew already.   
  
Neither of them spoke for the longest time. After a few minutes, Lan let a hand drift up to her cheek. It rested gently there, comforting and- loving. *He loves me in this world, as well.* The tears threatened to spill over.   
  
Hearing her name called, Nynaeve spun to see Elayne standing there. "I- I have to go," she stammered hoarsely. Lan nodded and moved away slowly. Nynaeve turned from him and went to the Daughter-Heir.   
  
"Nynaeve, your training is to start today. Do you think you can handle it?"   
  
"Of course," she replied uncertainly. She did not know how anyone could be angry when they felt so sad, but she would never admit defeat.   
  
They went to her room, where an Aes Sedai she recognized waited. Except, this woman had not been Aes Sedai eight years ago…rather, fifteen years ago. "Faolain. What a surprise."  
  
Faolain glared down her nose at Nynaeve. "You will address me with the proper respect or you will pay the consequences. Sit, girl." She jerked her head at the floor.   
  
Stubbornly, Nynaeve took a seat by the fireplace. Faolain raised an eyebrow, but said nothing on the matter. "Make a ball of soft red light- like this." Faolain embraced saidar, and at once a ball of light floated above her hand.   
  
Nynaeve wondered what this could be about. Faolain knew of her block, and so obviously knew she had to be angry in order to channel. Nynaeve tried anyway. She opened herself to the flower on the blackthorn bush. Peeved at Faolain's attitude, she was able to make a tiny flicker before saidar escaped her grasp.   
  
"That was unsatisfactory, Accepted. In fact, it was pathetic. You will do as requested." Nynaeve felt a sharp pain across her shoulders, the pain of being switched.   
  
Though she knew she should not be goaded by Faolain's pettiness, she was full to the bursting point with stress and in no mood to put up with the haughtiness of *any* Aes Sedai. "Careful," she growled.   
  
"Careful? Of an Accepted? You had better start acting more like your station requires. The Mother may think you are special because you have had recent trauma, but an Aes Sedai must recover quickly. If you ever want to rise to the highest station that can be bestowed upon you, then you'd better shape up."   
  
Nynaeve, temper flaring, created a ball of light above her hand. It was not soft, but it most certainly was red. It grew in the air, filling the space between Faolain and herself. "Is this *satisfactory*, Faolain *Sedai*," Nynaeve spat.   
  
Faolain's eyes widened briefly, but she regained control of her face quickly. "Quite, Accepted. But I do not like your tone."   
  
She felt another sting, this time on her buttocks. Nynaeve had switched others many times as Wisdom, but she was not one to be switched. Her emotions already beyond her control, she wove a shield and placed it between Faolain and saidar. "You will not do that again."   
  
"Remove this shield at once, Accepted."   
  
"Address me by my name," Nynaeve commanded.   
  
"Accepted must learn their place. You do not make demands of an Aes Sedai. Remove this shield and apologize. We can move on and I will forget what happened here."   
  
Nynaeve rained blows on Faolain with her own invisible switch. "Call me by my name." Faolain's lips remained sealed.   
  
Reaching for more of the One Power, Nynaeve looked around the room. The fireplace flared under her gaze, flames licking the edges of the stone. The water in the pitcher made razor-sharp points, aimed at the self-important woman. Flows of air held Faolain in place. One of the first things she had learned had been bonds of air. "I warn you one last time, Faolain. I may not be as trained as you, but there is no question who is more powerful."   
  
"Nynaeve," Faolain said quietly. Her eyes were wide with fright. "Nynaeve, please stop this. We will continue with your lessons. I see this method does not work with you. We will try something else. But, please-"   
  
Nynaeve let go the bonds on the fire and the water, which splashed to the floor. "What method?" The shield and air she held in place.   
  
"We use pain to train some of the girls, if they need extra teaching. It works quite well, I have found. I should have known it would not work with you. The Amyrlin warned me many times, as did Elayne. She probably assigned me to you so we could both learn."   
  
Nynaeve slowly let the bonds of air slip. Faolain moved around, glad to once again have use of her muscles. Nynaeve kept the shield there as long as she could, which meant that they sat there for about three hours, doing nothing at all.   
  
"Have you ever handled so much of saidar before?"   
  
"No. I have barely done anything." Nynaeve wondered why that mattered.   
  
"We made some progress then. A lot of progress. You will be the most powerful Aes Sedai in thousands of years, I am sure. You need to get past your block, and then you will be able to do anything. You may even rediscover a lost Talent."   
  
Faolain had probably never been so friendly in all her life. Nynaeve, though wishing she could doubt the woman, felt her honesty. She did not want a new friend, a confidante, or a motherly figure who coaxed her and stroked her hair. She wanted to be angry. She had never felt so alive as when she had held that much of saidar. Except when she was with Lan…but that had not happened. The things she did with Lan did not exist. She could barely remember her happiness anymore.   
  
Her anger slid from her grasp no matter how she tried to hold on to it. The tears that tried to come out when she had seen Lan earlier overflowed, and Nynaeve could do nothing to stop it.   
  
But Faolain stayed with her. They did not continue lessons. Faolain taught her something about the True Source here and there, but mostly they talked of their lives. Faolain told her secrets she never would have expected, and Nynaeve bore all about her time in the ter'angreal. Once she started to speak of it, she could not stop. The words refused to halt, sometimes overwhelming her and rendering her speechless. Eventually she got it all out. By the end of the night, she and Faolain understood each other very well. She now had a new friend and confidante. *Curse you, Egwene.*   
  
Despite her reservations, it felt good to have someone to talk to. Egwene was constantly busy, the most sought after woman in Tar Valon. Elayne, as her Keeper, had almost as much to do. The only other person Nynaeve wanted to talk to was Lan…but every time she ran into him, she found herself unable to speak. That left an empty space, which Faolain eagerly filled.   
  
They became the closest of friends, but Faolain was still her teacher. She pushed Nynaeve's limits to unprecedented extremes. Every method unthinkable was used to try to get past her block. Once, Faolain invaded her mind with images of torture, pain and madness, inflicted upon the ones she loved most: Egwene…and Lan. Nynaeve became so infuriated within the space of a few seconds, Faolain found herself on the ceiling. Nynaeve calmed down eventually, and gravity was restored for Faolain, who promised never to use Lan for this purpose.   
  
Instead, she gave her visions of the children she never really had. Nynaeve's emotions thrashed out of her control, causing things to happen that none of them intended. Once, a hole three paces in diameter appeared in the wall after one of these episodes. That was when Nynaeve discovered balefire. That was when Faolain stopped using Nynaeve's *family* to bypass her block.   
  
Gradually, Nynaeve learned a great deal about the Power and history pertaining to the White Tower. After a while, she was on a level in power and skill with most Aes Sedai. She merely needed to get rid of her block. But no matter what they tried, she could not channel unless angry.   
  
It was hopeless. Nynaeve realized that she did not despise the Power, but what was the use accepting something so unsure?   
  
When Nynaeve began studying saidin, sleeping ideas awakened. Her knowledge was becoming dangerous.   
  
End Chapter 4  
  
I hated Faolain in the books, and I like it when they make the mean characters cool in fan fiction. :P If you don't like it, you can write your own version of the stories. Cause it's not like *I* own them… 


	5. The Female Aspect of Saidin

Ok, I know it's been a while, but I've had serious lack of inspiration pertaining to the beginning of the chapter. So I decided to start in the middle. And now I'm back.   
  
Disclaimer: See previous chapter.   
  
Chapter 5- The Female Aspect of Saidin  
  
"Leave us," Egwene ordered coolly. The Aes Sedai knew better than to question the Amyrlin.   
  
"We will be outside if you need us, Mother," one of them said with a bow. All six exited, and though they were sure what they were doing was unsafe, they all seemed relieved to be going. Egwene wove a shield against eavesdropping and turned to the man in the corner of the room.   
  
"Rand, Nynaeve is here to see you. You may ask anything you wish, Nynaeve. Speak freely, none will hear."   
  
Glancing quickly toward the door, Nynaeve stepped forward, kneeling before Rand. His hair was matted with sweat, his eyes flickered feverishly. "Rand. Rand, are you awake? I need to talk to you."   
  
He became conscious of his surroundings. When he was finally aware of her, he said, "Nynaeve. So you really did come back."   
  
Nynaeve looked back at Egwene, puzzled. "He is not always aware of reality. Only sometimes is he really sure of what he is seeing. Most of the time when he is awake, he is not conscious of what he says or does."   
  
Rand nodded. "I'm afraid it's true. And Egwene does not find time to visit me anymore. I know that much." Nynaeve tried to ignore the way Egwene pulled her stole tightly around her shoulders. "Yes, Nynaeve, what do you want."   
  
"I was wondering about- about Tarmon Gai'don."   
  
Rand's eyes took her in, his eyebrows drawing together. "We lost."   
  
"Yes, I know," Nynaeve said. "I want to know why. What happened."   
  
Rand stared for a moment. As he gazed at her, his eyes became distant and clouded. "After fighting countless amounts of Trollocs, Min and I emerged at the top of the mountain. Fire swirled below, screams of war filled my ears. Min saw something, and warned me to turn back. I did not listen, for I saw the Dark One, and the urge to destroy him was too great. I reached for saidin, and found nothing, only emptiness. I had failed to reach the One Power before, but this was different. I could not sense it at all. Even if I was gentled, I would have been able to feel it. It was as though the True Source had ceased to exist. The Dark One used his own power to hold me. It was easy for him, naturally. Min jumped at him, yelling. He caught her by the arms and laughed. And he spoke, and she struggled. It's all a blur to me now, but I can still see clearly when he killed her. She told him to let me live. And he laughed again. He said he intended to. The next thing I knew, I was back here, being told that the Dark One had cast his Shadow over the world."   
  
Nynaeve pursed her lips. He did not tell her much more than she already knew. "I have an idea of how to free you."   
  
"Set me loose, I will destroy what is left of the world."   
  
"If you were given control of your power long enough for me to take control of saidin from you, could you hold back any unwanted incidents?"  
  
Rand looked curiously into her eyes. "What are you going to do?"   
  
Nynaeve took a deep breath. "I am going to cleanse saidin."   
  
He stared at her for a good minute. Then he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard his breath became short, but he could not stop to take in more air. "I have studying the True Source itself, and saidin," she said over his hilarity. "If you are embracing saidin, then I can take control of the stream with saidar. You are the only male with the ability to channel left, at least, the only one I have access to. I have an idea of the kind of weave would be needed. From what I've learned, it will be almost like healing. I only need your help because I cannot touch saidin myself."   
  
Rand sobered. "You are serious." He was silent for a while. "I do not know what to tell you. I could control it for a short period of time. My will is that strong. The question is, is yours?"   
  
"Of course," she snapped, offended.   
  
"I mean not to slight you, Nynaeve, I am simply experienced. I have heard the way you women talk about saidar, and it could not be more dissimilar. Saidin is a torrent, rapids that threaten to carry you away. You'll be walking on the edge of a razor with bare feet, but if you slip, you will be swept away in the tide. Can you handle this?"   
  
Nynaeve did not know what to say. She had not realized saidin would be so difficult. She raised her hands palm up resignedly. "I have to try, Rand. If saidin was cleansed during the Last Battle, you probably would not have had the problem you did. I don't know how to explain it. All I know, is that if we link, I can take control of both our power with the help of Callandor, and I am almost certain I can do it."   
  
Regarding with new respect, he asked, "How long have you been back?"   
  
"More than a year now," Nynaeve replied. It seemed longer and not as long, but she kept a calendar. She knew exactly how long it had been since her life had ended, and her life begun.   
  
"I suppose I have no reason not to acquiesce. If you succeed, I will be free, and able to use my power. If you do not…I will be no worse off than I am now." He nodded before closing his eyes. He muttered to himself. He was gone, but Nynaeve had all she needed for now.   
  
Egwene barely acknowledged the six Aes Sedai as they left. The women looked disappointedly curious. Nynaeve suspected they had tried to listen in. They walked back into Rand's cell of a room talking quietly.   
  
"Nynaeve, I am not sure I should let you do this," Egwene said uncertainly. "It could burn you out, even kill you. Either way, you would be of no help any longer."   
  
"Is that all that matters, *Amyrlin*? I might be able to do it, did you ever think of that? And then we will all be better off than we have in ten years." Nynaeve now knew the dates of all important events since the time of her leaving. Even though she could not seem to get very far with her hands on training, she had made use of any information she could find. Faolain commented jokingly, on occasion, that Nynaeve should be a Brown. Nynaeve shook her head and firmly stressed the fact that she had already chosen yellow.   
  
"As I said before, it would be beyond our wildest dreams if we had Rand to aid us once more. But I have to be realistic, and all odds are against you right now. All I can do is warn you to be careful."  
  
"Egwene, you know I still value your opinion. More so now, naturally. But I have to do what I think is right. This is right, whether I succeed or not."   
  
"And is alienating Lan right? He loves you, you know. When you did not come out of the ter'angreal…You should have seen his face when Moiraine told him. It was like the end of the world. He almost cried, I think."   
  
"Where is Moiraine? I would have expected to see her by now."   
  
Egwene sighed. "I think she was killed fighting Lanfear."   
  
"You *think* she was killed?"   
  
"Well, I did not actually see her die, but it is unlikely she would have survived."   
  
"Wait- then Lan-"   
  
"He is now bonded to an Aes Sedai named Myrelle. She should be in the tower somewhere. I can arrange for you to meet her-"   
  
"No, thank you, Egwene."   
  
"Goodnight, Nynaeve." They had reached her room.   
  
"Goodnight." She stepped inside. So Lan had been affected by her disappearance? She sighed. It did not matter, not then. She could not let herself be pulled apart by her emotions. She planned to cleanse saidin after a little more studying, and she could not be distracted by anything. Lan would have to wait.   
  
But she wanted him now…  
  
End Chapter 5  
  
So there it is. I think in Chapter 6, she'll actually cleanse the source…or try to…find out next chapter. While you're waiting, read another of my stories, or something. And before you close this window, anticipating Chapter 6 of Nynaeve's delightful little tale, REVIEW.   
  
Thanks. :) BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG smile. 


	6. The Cleansing

Hi everyone!! I know, it's been forever since I updated. The truth is, I completely forgot about this story. *feels guilty* To anyone who has been waiting a long time for chapter 6, I'm sorry. I'll try to update more often. In the meantime, here is the chapter you have all been waiting for.   
  
Chapter 6- The Cleansing   
  
"Nynaeve, I do understand, but we can't-"   
  
"I cannot do this if he is wearing that thing. He will only be in control of the flow for a few moments. Then I will have the flow."   
  
Nynaeve was arguing with the six who wore the bracelets attached to the ugly metal contraption holding Rand. Sighing resignedly, she waited for Egwene to arrive, to order them to take it off him.   
  
Egwene arrived, and the rest of the Aes Sedai bowed low to the ground. Nynaeve stood with her arms folded impatiently, and Rand stood looking around himself obliviously. "Egwene, will you please tell them to take that hideous thing off Rand?"   
  
Looking fearful, Egwene nodded to the others, who slowly and gingerly removed the dark metal from around Rand's neck. For the second time since coming back, Nynaeve saw Rand aware of his surroundings. He felt his neck for what felt like ten minutes. Finally, Nynaeve asked if he was ready.   
  
"Probably more ready than you are," he replied. Nynaeve bit back her sharp retort. Taking up Callandor, she worked up her temper. It did not take much, as she was already on the verge of anger at the way the Aes Sedai surrounding them were looking at Rand. Thinking of the black metal thing lying on the floor, Nynaeve embraced saidar.   
  
"Rand?" She turned to him, asking if it was ready. He nodded. Before she took hold of his flow, she saw Lan, standing in a corner by Myrelle, the Aes Sedai to whom he was bonded. Then, she felt saidin in her, and had no more awareness of anything outside her.   
  
Rand had been accurate in his description of what embracing saidin was like. Embracing, no. That was not the right word. It was more like Riding. Yes. She had never thought that two parts of the same thing could be so different. She felt pain and excitement all bundled into one, and a fear that she would fall into the current sweeping underneath her.   
  
Once past the taint, which left the feeling of slick oil on her skin, she began to find her balance. The taint made her feel sick, but she tamed her stomach out of the need to control. She found it extremely difficult to keep her hold on saidar while trying to hold saidin. This made her angry, and her hold became stronger, but saidin began to slip away. She was not strong enough.   
  
"Nynaeve, you can do this. Start to make the weave, and it will be easier to hold."   
  
Rand's reassurance helped her. She manipulated the flows, twining them together, and directed her weave directly to the True Source. She did not even know how she found it, but she knew that they were flowing into the male half of the source. She scoured it, using a flow like healing, but completely different. And the taint began to peel. She could feel it, peeling sickeningly off the top, detaching from saidin slowly due to it's stubborn clinging. With one last burst, she pulled more of both saidar and saidin and pulled the taint away. It disappeared then. It had nothing to taint, and so it existed no longer.   
  
Nynaeve let saidar go first, and then no longer had the strength to hold saidin. She felt strong arms catch her as she collapsed to the floor.   
  
*************************************************************************************  
  
When Nynaeve awoke, Faolain was standing next to the window in her room. She stirred, alerting the other woman of her consciousness. She rushed to Nynaeve's side. "Nynaeve, thank the Light, you're awake! We thought you would- you almost-" Faolain took a deep breath and began again. "You were so exhausted from your feat, you just passed out. You've been sleeping for almost ten days now." She smiled mischievously. "Lan was here. He visits you every day. He was the one who caught you when you fell, and he carried you here, ignoring Myrelle. Some of the others were delighted, some were scandalized."   
  
"Faolain, what are you talking about?"   
  
"Lan was so obvious in his feelings. Warders almost never fall in love."   
  
Nynaeve sighed and leaned back against the pillow. "Lan is not in love with me."   
  
"Are you kidding?"   
  
At that moment, Egwene walked in the room. "Finally, you're awake. Get up, you only have about an hour to eat and get ready." A novice had just walked in, bearing a covered tray.   
  
"Ready for what?"   
  
"For the ceremony. You are about to become a full Aes Sedai."   
  
Nynaeve glanced at Faolain, who was beaming proudly. "But…why…my block…" Nynaeve could not form any coherent sentence. Egwene understood nonetheless.   
  
"What you did proves you are ready. You know what you are doing. There is no reason to keep you as Accepted. Not one woman in the tower could have done what you did. You will get around your block in time."   
  
"Then it worked." Nynaeve felt a swelling sense of pride, and then sense of dread. The test for Accepted had been horrible. How much worse would she have to endure to become an Aes Sedai?   
  
Half an hour later, Nynaeve followed Faolain down a long hallway. The woman turned and gave her an encouraging smile before continuing down the hall, leaving Nynaeve in front of a large door. Taking a deep breath, Nynaeve pushed it open and stepped through.   
  
End Chapter 6  
  
*Sigh of relief* Ok, so review. You might get a present. But if you don't, you might get a plague on your house, a compass in your eye, and etc. and so on and so forth. 


	7. Rescue

I've decided that I'm not writing this story for you anymore. That's right. It's for me. So it doesn't matter if you don't review. But if you happen to read the story, reviewing would be the nice thing to do.   
  
Chapter 7- Rescue  
  
"Nynaeve, will you stay for a little while."   
  
She looked up into Lan's eyes. "I would stay forever," she replied. He wrapped her in his arms, bringing his head down…  
  
Nynaeve opened her eyes. It had been another dream. Since the cleansing, and being raised to Aes Sedai, she had dreamed of him every night. Every time she woke up, she would curse fate that it was only a dream.   
  
Throwing off her covers, she padded across the rich carpet to her wardrobe, pausing at the chair at her mahogany desk to finger the yellow fringe on her shawl. Defiantly, she chose a dress of deep blue silk, cut lower at the neck than she had worn before- before it had happened. She had managed not to remind herself of the ter'angreal for a whole week. She did not want to start now.   
  
Looking in the full length mirror, she admired the dress on her body. She blushed suddenly. She was as shameless as any Domani, but that was her decision. Well, perhaps not *as* shameless, but approaching it, without a doubt.   
  
She still wore Lan's ring on a cord around her neck. Her serpent ring, which had accompanied it for a time, now she wore on the middle finger of her left hand. Noticing the ring, she wondered again when she had changed her mind about the One Power. She remembered how much she had hated it before, and how much she did not hate it now. Now, she only hated that she could not control it completely. Sighing, she went to the window, which overlooked the training ground for Warders. One, without pausing, looked up toward her room, as though he knew she was watching. She drew back a few steps to keep Lan from seeing her.   
  
A rapid knock sounded at her door. "Come in, Faolain," she called.   
  
"How do you always know it's me?" the other woman said as she stepped in.   
  
Nynaeve smiled. "No one else ever comes to my room in the morning." Faolain shrugged in agreement. "What have you been doing?"   
  
"Not very much," Faolain sighed. "I've been trying to think, about how to help you, and I haven't gotten anywhere. I hardly got any sleep last night."   
  
"Let's take breakfast in the library," Nynaeve suggested, holding the door open. Faolain walked out and Nynaeve followed. Apprehensively, Nynaeve wondered what new ideas the other woman had come up with. She did not think there was anything left to try.   
  
The library was emptier than usual. It did not take long for them to see why. "Rand, hello. How are you?"   
  
Most of the women in the tower still regarded him fearfully, as though they were afraid the taint would come back. Rand had been perfectly in control of saidin, and had done nothing to merit their suspicion, but the stories about men channeling still held their influence. Some of the Warders regarded him warily because of their Aes Sedai's reaction, but some, like Lan, accepted the new situation. Still, Rand could easily empty a room.   
  
The day after Nynaeve had been raised, he had approached her in a hallway. "Nynaeve, I never got the chance to thank you," he said. "It's clean. You have no idea- it feels- it feels clean. *I* feel clean. Thank you."   
  
"You are welcome, Rand. I suppose I still have some of my Wisdom instincts. I felt that I had to find a way to help you somehow. I'm glad I could."   
  
"So am I." He smiled. They had been on friendlier terms than ever before after this encounter.   
  
"Fine, Nynaeve, and you?" he asked.   
  
"About the same," she said. Then she noticed Rand's companion. "Loial!"   
  
"Nynaeve, it is good to see you," the Ogier said, standing to approach her. "When you did not come out of the ter'angreal, we all feared the worst. But you are back now."   
  
The ter'angreal. She caught Faolain stealing a look at her. With the practice of the queen she had not really been, she schooled her expression. "And how have you fared, Loial."   
  
"Well enough, considering. Though I do miss the Stedding." His ears drooped. "It's been too long…" Nynaeve realized for the first time that all the Stedding had been destroyed with the rest of the world.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Loial." His ears fell even lower as he sat.   
  
"Rand, do you know how-"   
  
Nynaeve was interrupted by a novice's entrance. She hurried to them and curtsied quite low. "Nynaeve Sedai, the Amyrlin has asked to see you." Rising, Nynaeve wondered what Egwene wanted now.   
  
"I will see you later, then, Faolain. Rand, Loial, it was good to see you both again."   
  
Egwene barely looked up from the papers on her desk. No doubt they were some matter that did not even require her personal attention- seeing as Tar Valon was the only place left in the world where people remained, there was considerably less for an Amyrlin to worry about. The larger problems, however, were much more worrying.   
  
"Have you spoken to him?"   
  
Nynaeve rolled her eyes. She could not believe they were talking about this again. "No."   
  
Egwene looked up finally. "Nynaeve, you can't just not-"   
  
"Please, Egwene. Anyway, I've tried. Honestly. I just can't speak beyond a few polite words when I see him. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the dreams."   
  
"If you would just talk to him, you would not feel so terrible. He wants to be with you, you know. And you want to be with him. He does not know it, though. I remember once, when I had just recently been named, I talked to him privately for a few minutes. I commented about missing you, and he cleared his throat and said, 'Yes.' You should have heard him, Nynaeve. He was devastated that you were gone, even if you had not been together before. But he was even more dead than before the entire fifteen years you were gone. That has to count for something."   
  
Nynaeve's hand went to Lan's ring, hanging between her breasts. Egwene noticed. "I don't see why you won't just go to him." A smile crept onto her face. "I see you're dressing for him, though."   
  
Nynaeve glared at the younger woman. Although, fifteen years inside the ter'angreal had seemed to age her less than the same time spent in this world had aged Egwene. Perhaps the other woman was no longer younger. That was a thought that Nynaeve had not had before. She told Egwene.   
  
"It's possible," she replied, and went back to the document she had been previously reading.   
  
"Egwene, I have an appointment with Faolain. Do you require my presence any longer?"   
  
Egwene gave her a reproachful look. "No. You may go. But Nynaeve, please, do us all a favor and tell him? Good luck." Then she forgot Nynaeve was in the room. Sighing heavily in exasperation, Nynaeve left as quickly as she could. Exchanging greetings with Elayne as she passed, she stormed down the stairs to Faolain's room.   
  
Faolain's green-fringed shawl hung on a hook on the back of her door. Nynaeve almost pulled it off when she forcefully closed the door. " 'Tell him, Nynaeve. I have every right to control your life, Nynaeve.' Who does she think she is?"   
  
"She thinks she is the Amyrlin," Faolain said, her face twisted oddly. Nynaeve had the impression that she was trying not to smile. She fixed her friend with an intense stare.   
  
"My business is my business, and being the Amyrlin does not make it hers. She should learn not to poke her nose in where it is not wanted."   
  
"If anyone else spoke that way about the Amyrlin seat, they would be tried for treason, and you cannot deny it. You do get privileges because you knew her before, no matter what you think. And so does Elayne, actually."   
  
"Well, I still think she should stop bothering me about Lan. That's the third time this week."   
  
"Oh, so that was what she wanted to see you about. I think she's right, you know." Nynaeve turned incredulously. Faolain held up her hands. "Well, it's painfully obvious that you're in love. You two are the only ones who can't see what is really going on."   
  
"Oh? And tell me, since you're such an expert on other people's lives. What is really going on?"   
  
"You're both afraid to give in to love. It would be like surrendering. But maybe it would be a good thing. I don't think either of you has ever surrendered a thing in your lives."   
  
"Yes, I-" Nynaeve broke off almost as quickly as she spoke. Searching through her memories, she could not remember surrendering once in her life. There was the ter'angreal…but that was not in this world, perhaps it was discounted. *So much for not reminding myself.*   
  
"Come on, Nynaeve, you cannot tell me you don't want to be with him. Or that you don't love him. You cannot give me one good reason why you won't speak to him. I have noticed how often you go down to the training ground, even if you haven't."   
  
Nynaeve knew she was right. But she was not going to do anything *now*, not right after Egwene had talked to her. She would do it when *she* decided she was ready, and that would not be when everyone was jabbering on about it day and night.   
  
"Faolain, I can't work right now. Do you know if Rand is still in the library?"   
  
"I doubt he's moved. He and Loial were deep in discussion when I left. I was not sure what about…"   
  
Nynaeve was already half out the door.   
  
*************************************************************************************  
  
"I see your point, Loial. We need to find a way to shield ourselves from detection. Nynaeve, would you like to join us?" Rand had his feet crossed on the table, lounging alertly in one of the wooden armchairs (if it was possible to lounge alertly), while Loial stood browsing the shelves stuffed full of books.   
  
"What are you talking about?" Nynaeve asked as she and Faolain took seats across the table.   
  
"Loial and I think we should go to look for Perrin, but there is almost no way to take ten steps outside the walls of Tar Valon without being confronted by Trollocs and all manner of other dark creatures. Including whatever Forsaken are left alive."   
  
"Perrin? Do you really think he is still alive?"   
  
"Well…I don't know. Loial does. We really can't be sure. It is more likely that he isn't, but I'm willing to risk it. If we could save him, then don't you think it's worth trying?"   
  
"Of course I do."   
  
They looked up when the library door swung open. In swaggered the familiar form of Mat Cauthon, followed by a girl with the sides of her head shaven. "Well, Nynaeve, blood and ashes. I didn't expect to see you around."   
  
"Watch your language, Matrim Cauthon. If you paid more attention, then you would not have been surprised. I have been here for a year and three months now." The girl wandered between the shelves, to the casual observer aimlessly. "Mat…who is that?"   
  
"Hmm? Oh, her. Tuon, the Daughter of the Nine Moons, she's a Seanchan. Apparently I'm supposed to marry her, though fortunately that hasn't happened yet. Now she follows me around everywhere. I can't get her to stop. I tried to make her go outside the walls, but she's smarter than she looks. Maybe I can persuade a Trolloc to come in. I've been considering just throwing her over."   
  
"Mat," Rand chided, warningly glancing toward the shelves between which Tuon had lost herself.   
  
"Okay, I'm sorry," Mat said, not sounding the least bit sincere. He probably found the last two options quite appealing. "So, how's life, Loial?"   
  
"I cannot stand to see the barren land outside of the city. If only one of the groves remained, I could have a bit of comfort." Nynaeve's heart went out to the Ogier, he looked so pitiful. Mat, however, looked as though he had heard the same thing many times.   
  
"Mat, we were talking about Perrin. Rand and Loial- and I- want to go and find him," Nynaeve said abruptly.   
  
Mat looked between the three of them, his face grave. "You're serious?" He seemed to understand that they were. "Blood and ashes, the Power is warping your minds. I mean, if anyone could have survived that long among Trollocs, it would have to be Perrin, but come on. No one could survive that long with Trollocs."   
  
"Matrim Cauthon, will I have to remind you every minute not to use such language?" Nynaeve caught Rand hiding a grin, and surprisingly, Faolain smirked affectionately. Faolain and Mat…? No, surely not. But she would understand Faolain desiring him. Girls in the Two Rivers had always seemed to find him attractive.   
  
"Nynaeve? Are you all right?" Faolain peered at her concernedly.   
  
"I'm fine," she lied. Thinking of the Two Rivers had stirred a whole new swirling of feelings within her. She realized at once that Rand, Mat and Egwene were the only others from her home, and if Perrin was still alive, the Light help her she would save him. Anyone left from the Two Rivers had her protection and caring until she was long gone.   
  
"We don't know how we're going to save Perrin yet. But we are going to do it," Rand said firmly. Loial and Nynaeve nodded. Mat, muttering something about a waste of time trying to save people who were probably a few years dead, nodded as well. Faolain shrugged and added her own nod. Tuon, the girl, emerged from within the shelves and went to stand behind Mat. He looked like he was silently cursing her for not actually getting lost in the library.   
  
End Chapter 7  
  
I don't know what's happening in the next chapter. Not the important stuff. But something will happen. Never fear, Inspiration is here! Well, yeah. So please Review, thanks. Big smile for you who review. 


	8. The Amyrlin's Warder

Transition chapter.   
  
Disclaimer: Do I really need to tell you I don't own them?   
  
Chapter 8- The Amyrlin's Warder  
  
Once again, Nynaeve found herself strolling the Warders' training ground. Many of the Warders greeted her, having come to recognize her. She shook her head. Lan was there, in the middle, and glanced at her without pausing in his exercises. He had taken his shirt off, and she could see his muscles standing out clearly- she shook her head again. *This is ridiculous.*   
  
There was one face she did not recognize. It was a handsome face, crown with red-gold hair like Elayne's. He did look familiar, but she could not place where she had seen him before…  
  
"I'm Gawyn," the man said, grinning. "Gawyn Trakand." Apparently he had noticed her staring.   
  
"I'm Nynaeve al'Meara, Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah." They shook hands briefly.   
  
"Ah, so you are Nynaeve," he said. "Egwene talks about you all the time."   
  
"You know Egwene."   
  
"I'm her Warder."   
  
Nynaeve had not known Egwene had a Warder. But she had never seen them near each other once. In fact, she did not think she had seen Gawyn at all before this. "If you're her Warder-"   
  
"I've been…away," he said uneasily. They stood uncomfortably until Nynaeve made the connection.   
  
"Trakand…You're Elayne's brother!"   
  
He grinned. "Yeah."   
  
"You and Egwene…You're more than just her Warder, aren't you?"   
  
"How could you tell?"   
  
"I just have a knack for these things."   
  
"Lucky me," Gawyn muttered.   
  
Lan joined them, greeting Gawyn and staring into Nynaeve's wide eyes. For once, she was able to speak. "Hello, Lan. How are you?"   
  
"All right, Nynaeve."   
  
She suddenly felt chills down her spine, and an odd pulling at the back of her mind. It must have shown on her face.   
  
"What is is?" Lan asked.   
  
Nynaeve looked into his eyes, and hoped he would understand. "A storm is coming."   
  
End Chapter 8   
  
I know, it's really short. I'm sorry, I'm just not having much transition-inspiration. I don't want to get to the good part too soon. 


	9. Secret Powers

This chapter is dedicated to White-wolf2, probably my most faithful reviewer.   
  
Chapter 9- Secret Powers  
  
Nynaeve was afraid. She had not realized the cleansing would have this effect on her. At first she had tried to ignore it, but it fought forward, and now she was having trouble controlling it. She had to find Rand, but he was somewhere in the city. He was the only one who could help her.   
  
*Where is he.* She exasperatedly left the twenty-seventh inn she had checked. No one seemed to know where Rand was. *I should just go back to the Tower and have Egwene summon him.*   
  
Sighing, she started back. She would still have to wait, and that wouldn't help. Her mirror had shattered that morning, and she had to be extra careful not to step on any shards. She had not wanted to clean it up before she knew why it happened. When she had figured out why her mirror had broken so easily, she hurriedly used saidar to repair the mirror. She had dressed even more hurriedly and run out to find Rand. She was frustrated to learn that he had gone into the city, for who knew how long.   
  
A hand steadied her before she fell over. "Rand! Where have you been?"   
  
"I was visiting Loial. We were trying to work out a way to get outside the walls and not- what's wrong?"   
  
Nynaeve took a deep breath before deciding how to say this. "I need your help, Rand."   
  
Nynaeve rarely asked for help on her own. She wanted to make it clear that she had something serious on her hands. "What is it, Nynaeve?"   
  
"It's saidin."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I- I don't know exactly. I think there are still traces of saidin left from the cleansing. It keeps welling up inside me- for a moment only- but I can't control it. It shattered my mirror this morning. That was when I figured out what had happened. I don't want anything more dangerous to happen. I need- I need to either learn how to control it, or get rid of it."   
  
Rand thought. "I don't know if you *can* get rid of it. But I do think you could learn to control it. After you cleansing saidin, I think you can do almost anything."   
  
Nynaeve smiled. "I need you to teach me. I don't know anyone *else* who can channel saidin."   
  
"We should go to a safe place to do this. Touching saidin when you cannot control it can be very dangerous. We need to go somewhere away from people."   
  
"Are you suggesting we go-"   
  
"No, I mean the room where they kept me when- you know…"   
  
Rand must be quite willing to help her if he was willing to go back there for her. She smiled at him. "Thank you." They headed to the White Tower, then down into the thick-walled stone cell.   
  
"You should probably sit down," Rand said, gesturing to a spot on the floor a few feet from where he sat. Nynaeve sat across from him. "Okay. Just…try to go along with me. I've never taught anyone before…well, I have, but I've never taught a *woman* to touch *saidin*. Close your eyes first. Try to feel it inside you. Remember, I'm right here. If it gets out of hand, I'll pull you back."   
  
Nynaeve nodded. She could feel her heart pounding harder by the second, but she shut her eyes forcefully. She concentrated on saidin, searching the same way she used to search for saidar. The problem this time was not a block. If it was, she would not have been able to find it so easily.   
  
The problem was, finding it was the easy part. "Relax," she heard Rand's voice say. "I can tell you feel it there." She tried her best to loosen her muscles. Saidin was right there for her to use, but she did not know how. She could only follow Rand's instructions as he continued to give them.   
  
"Dip into saidin, find your balance. Now, you feel yourself teetering on the edge of the razor blade it feels like you're standing on. You need to balance." Nynaeve did feel like she was standing on a razor blade, and she was not steady. "Balance, Nynaeve." She held her arms out to regain her footing. In a few minutes, she was fairly balanced.   
  
"Hold onto saidin, and let it go until you're holding only a thin stream." She did as she was told. It was like holding onto a thread. She brought herself back to listen to Rand. "Now. Hold onto that stream. Don't lose it. No matter what else you do, it is important that you always hold on to that stream. Keep it exactly the same size. Now, you will find this next part difficult, but you will have to do it. Remember, hold on to the stream. Do not let it go no matter what else you feel, or what else you are doing."   
  
Nynaeve gave a slight nod. It was all she could manage. She heard Rand sigh deeply. "All right. From now until we are finished, I need you to listen to me carefully, and do exactly what I tell you."   
  
There was a silence for a few moments, and Nynaeve waited tensely, keeping a grip on the thread of saidin. At Rand's next instruction, she almost lost it.   
  
"You have your balance now. You are just above the rushing current of saidin. When I tell you, dive in." He must have seen her expression change. "Do not question it. Just hold the stream, and dive into saidin's torrent."   
  
Nynaeve was frightened beyond reason. This was probably a good thing- otherwise she might not have found the strength to let go. With reason out of the way, the only thing she had to hold on to was the thread, and Rand. She trusted Rand. She strengthened her resolve and dove in.   
  
She gasped as she was caught in the rushing current and swept away. "Let it carry you for now. Make sure you have the little bit you were holding." To Nynaeve's surprise, she could still feel it. She had thought that with so much of saidin around her, she would not be able to feel such a small amount separately. She tightened her hold on it.   
  
Nynaeve was helpless, but she did not know what to do. She waited. "Stay calm. You can't do anything yet." He did not give her any more instructions, but he seemed amused as he spoke his next words. "Saidin and saidar are like rivers, flowing into the True Source, which is like the ocean. Combine them, and you have something more powerful than either could be on its own. No one has ever seen what a person controlling both can do, until you cleansed saidin."   
  
Was he hinting at something? She thought so, but she did not find out, because he continued to instruct her. "You have felt saidin around you. The stream you were holding has been isolated from the rest, but it will touch it now. Let the stream expand when it does." She felt more power within her. Her eyes were closed, physically, but she could see saidin as a river. The power grew and grew. She thought she would burst trying to hold it all in.   
  
"You are holding the whole river, you can wield its power. Don't let it carry you away now. Stay in it, but in one place." Nynaeve attempted stopping herself, and did it with ease. "Now, you have control. Calm the torrent. Make it gentle like saidar." Nynaeve did. She could feel the pressure ease. "Open your eyes."   
  
Rand's face was the first thing she saw. She tried one of the exercises novices did. She made a few tiny balls of light and made them chase each other above her hand. Relieved and ecstatic, she threw herself at Rand, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh, Rand, thank you!"   
  
She heard him cough slightly, covering a laugh, and he hugged her back. "You are welcome, Nynaeve. I'm glad I could help."   
  
Realizing how foolish she was acting, like a little girl, she pulled herself away and stood. She cleared her throat gently. She tried to reach for saidin again, only to find that she could not touch it. At first she panicked, but then she realized why.   
  
Groaning, she put her face in her hands for a second. "What is it?" Rand asked.   
  
"I think the block applies for saidin, too!" she exclaimed.   
  
Rand's face twisted, as though hiding a laugh. She pushed him back and stomped from the room, knowing she was being even more foolish now. Sighing, she regained her dignity and returned to her room.   
  
"Should I tell Egwene?" she wondered allowed.   
  
"Tell me what?" Egwene asked as she entered.   
  
"What are you doing outside your office?" Nynaeve asked sarcastically.   
  
"Very funny. Tell me what?"   
  
"Oh. Well…Rand was just helping me with something."   
  
"With what?"   
  
"To control saidin."   
  
"WHAT?!!"   
  
Nynaeve studied Egwene's face. She had sounded angry, or upset, but she was really just taken aback by the statement. Nynaeve explained what had been happening, and how Rand had helped her to control it. "You see, I had to learn. Someone could have been hurt."   
  
"Yes. It is a good thing, I suppose. But I'm worried for you."   
  
"Why?" Egwene stared uncomfortably at the floor. "You mean the taint, don't you? Why don't you believe me and Rand when we tell you it's gone? You really doubt me that much?"   
  
"No, it's just- ah. You don't know, Nynaeve, there could be something left, something that is undetectable. There could be…"   
  
"Egwene, listen to me. You don't know, you've never touched it. I touched it when the taint was there. It was disgusting, revolting, it made me want to be sick, but I held it back because I was trying to help Rand. I think that was the most exhausting part. No, listen. I just touched it again, for I don't know how long. Light, I was submerged in it. Comparing it with the first time, it's almost unbelievable. It's clean. Now I know why Rand is so thankful. There is nothing of the taint there. Trust me on this."   
  
Egwene still seemed to doubt, but she nodded. "All right. But I still think you should be careful. If there is any sign of-"   
  
"You do worry excessively, don't you?" Nynaeve teased.   
  
"Yes, she does," Elayne said as she came in.   
  
"Why does that keep happening?" Nynaeve wondered. Elayne smiled at her.   
  
"I hear you've met my brother," Elayne commented.   
  
"Yes. He seems like a great man," Nynaeve said, smiling. Looking at Egwene, Elayne rolled her eyes. Nynaeve followed her gaze and saw the look on the Amyrlin's face. Her eyes were dreamily glazing over. Giggling slightly, Nynaeve poked Egwene.   
  
Egwene shook herself and stood. "I should be getting back. I think I came here to…oh, yes. Faolain was looking for you earlier. She said she might have found a way to get rid of your block, and wants to test it. When she could not find you, she left the Tower to look for you. I don't know if she has returned yet. Elayne, are you coming?"   
  
The two women left Nynaeve alone in her room. By herself, Nynaeve had to restrain herself from looking out the window for Lan. She had to leave the Tower for a while. A nice walk would do her good.   
  
As soon as Nynaeve had left, she felt better. Perhaps better was not the right word. What could she say…calmer. Yes. More was happening out in the busy streets than in the Tower, but she did not bear so much strain. Everyone she passed could tell she was Aes Sedai, but as this was Tar Valon, none of them seemed to care. Some looked at her with awe, while others did not look at her at all. She smiled to herself.   
  
Everything went perfectly until she decided to stroll up on the walls. She peered sadly at the land outside of Tar Valon. It was just- dead. Before she had time to properly mourn, she saw a lone figure come stumbling forward. He fell to the ground almost a mile from the walls, but she recognized him anyway, and knew who it was.   
  
It was Perrin Aybarra.   
  
End Chapter 9  
  
Haha! I feel evil!   
  
My favorite thing about this story is that I only need one review per chapter before I feel inspired to write the next chapter. That one review means so much to me, it's almost like I'm writing this chapter for that person! Thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed this story, I love you! 


	10. Perpetual Trollocs

Sorry! I know it took me a long time to update, I had to write the chapter first. This story is hard to write. Without a doubt very fun, but also very hard. I'm trying, though, really.   
  
This Chapter is for Psycho Goddess. Lots of reviews from you. Love your name, by the way.   
  
Chapter 10- Perpetual Trollocs  
  
As soon as Nynaeve saw Perrin collapse, she sprang into action. Not knowing what she was planning to do at first, she hurried to the city gate.   
  
The guard stopped her. "I'm sorry miss. No one is allowed out. You should just go back into the city."   
  
Anger welling up, Nynaeve showed her serpent ring to the guard. "This gives me the authority to leave. If you do not move, I may do something you'll regret."   
  
With fearful awe in his eyes, the guard opened the gate to the city and Nynaeve started out.   
  
Perrin seemed quite far away. He was nothing more than a lump on the ground from where she stood, but at least she could see him. She took a few steps forward. From the way Egwene had put it, she had expected a horde of Trollocs to attack her the moment she stepped outside the gate. Nothing happened, however, and Nynaeve quickened her step. The crumpled form that was Perrin grew before her.   
  
Still there was no sign of any Dark creatures. Knowing she should feel relieved, she was nevertheless vexed by the absence of adversary. If Egwene had been correct in her description- and Nynaeve knew she was- then the quiet certainly did not bode well, not for her, and not for Perrin.   
  
With that thought, she hastened to reach him. He lay still and stiff as a rock, oblivious to his surroundings, or lack thereof. When she finally came to where he lay, she knelt beside him and tried to shake him into consciousness. He woke but did not seem to see her. He tried to pull away, his huge arm muscles taut, but he was weakened by whatever he had experienced out in the barren wasteland. Nynaeve tried to soothe him with words.   
  
"Perrin, stop. It's Nynaeve al'Meara. I am trying to help you, but I can't if you don't stop with your insufferable resistance." He was still trying to push her from him. She kept a tight grip on his arms. He began to flail helplessly. "Perrin Aybarra! Stop this right now! You males and your refusal to accept help! I could throttle you where you lie!" That was nowhere near true. She was frightened at seeing Perrin, steadfast, careful Perrin, in such a state. She could not help him by shouting. She had to use her power. But how? She still needed to be angry.   
  
She thought of whoever did this to Perrin, taken away his right mind. No one had the right to do these things to the ones she was obligated to care about. Not the Emond's Fielders. She felt the rage welling up, and kept that line of thought. She would get them back. Whoever did this, would get it back a thousand-fold. Saidar was now within her reach. She embraced it, letting it flow into her, and then sent a healing weave into Perrin, calming him first, then returning him to his right state.   
  
His eyes flickered open, widening in surprise when he saw her. "Nynaeve? Is it really you?"   
  
"Yes, Perrin. I do not understand how you manage to get into so much trouble." She smiled at him. "We should get back to the city."   
  
"Wait." He grasped her arm before she could rise. "Faile is still out there. I cannot leave her. Not- not with them."   
  
Nynaeve looked carefully into Perrin's eyes. The suffering was clear. They were still just as yellow as the last time she saw them. "What did they do to you? Who are they?"   
  
Perrin stared at the ground. "I don't- I…I can't, Nynaeve. But I have to save her."   
  
"Well, you won't do much rescuing lying there on the ground." She rose, offering him a hand up. He took it, but did not use it as a support when he stood. "What do you propose?"   
  
Perrin, who had been peering out over the flat land, whipped around. "You are not coming with me. It's too dangerous. I thank you for your help, but I cannot let you endanger yourself for me."   
  
"I already endangered myself for you, you woolhead. Anyway, this would be endangering myself for your wife. You won't be able to rescue her yourself. You *will* need help, whether you want it or not, and I am going to be the one to give it."   
  
"Nynaeve-"   
  
Perrin got no further before they heard the pounding footsteps on the ground. They seemed to come from all directions. A tall figure appeared next to them, and tried to take Nynaeve by the arm.   
  
"Al'Lan Mandragoran, what are you doing here?"   
  
"Nynaeve, this is no time for your stubbornness. There are-"   
  
"Who do you think you are calling stubborn?"   
  
"Why don't you let people finish their sentences?"   
  
"Oh, don't you start, Perrin Aybarra. If it weren't for me, you'd probably be dead by now."   
  
"I'm glad you came out here for me, but I think Lan wanted to tell us something important." Nynaeve turned expectantly to Lan, who was looking past her and Perrin.   
  
"I did," he said, "but now you can see for yourself." He pointed to where he was looking. The horde of Trollocs Nynaeve had been expecting was charging toward them full force.  
  
"Perrin, get into the city."   
  
"I'm not going to leave you two here."   
  
"I did not heal you to have you die now. How are you going to save your wife if you're dead? Go back now."   
  
"No!"   
  
The Trollocs were upon them. Lan had his sword out, slashing in every direction. Trolloc limbs hewn at the joints fell to the ground. Their blood splattered everywhere, on Lan, on Nynaeve, dotting the ground. Nynaeve used saidar to contribute. It was not difficult to reach it. She was already angry from the recent conversation, and now the thought of wasting effort to heal Perrin pushed her over the edge.   
  
She pulled as much power as she could muster into her. With saidar, she severed heads, arms, whole bodies. Some Trollocs she ripped clean out of their skin, causing them to howl or grunt in pain. She turned them inside out. Many fell before her and Lan, but more sprang up in their place. There seemed to be no end to the Trollocs.   
  
Turning, Nynaeve saw Perrin not far away. At first she thought he was wounded. When he lifted his head, there was blood around his mouth. The glint in his eyes, however, hinted that it was not his own. Snarling, he jumped at the nearest beast and ripped into its throat with his teeth.   
  
Nynaeve was taken with fear for a split second. Her anger returned a moment later, and she let saidin join saidar for a painful, rapturous mixture of power. With saidin, she wove a flow around Perrin, lifting him and placing him back inside the city. It took longer than she had expected, and sustaining both powers at once was a draining task. She managed to hold onto saidin long enough for Perrin's safety to be ensured.   
  
When she finally let go, she concentrated all her energy on saidar. She tore apart more twisted creatures than she would have cared to count, but more still came. She had to do something drastic if this was ever to end.   
  
There was one thing, the thing she had learned in secret, from Rand. The thing she had been warned to use only in the most dire emergencies. If anything was an emergency, this was. She formed the forbidden flow quickly, releasing it into the crowd of Trollocs. Many of them fell, but not enough.   
  
No matter how hard she tried, now, she could not hold on to saidar. She was exhausted from fighting and taking care of Perrin. Her power was drained. She fought the numb unconsciousness that threatened to enfold her, but she was not strong enough. The last thing she saw before the world went black was Lan's face.   
  
End Chapter 10  
  
I don't have much to say. Read next chapter. Review. 


	11. Protective Pursuer

I usually don't do the same exact event twice in a story but Lan's view is important in this part, and I didn't want to have to explain the *entire* thing later. So here it is.   
  
Chapter 11- Protective Pursuer  
  
Lan saw her from a distance, but he still knew her immediately. She was headed into the city…  
  
He should continue training. But he couldn't. She had hardly been outside the tower since she had returned. Inside the city there were dangers she knew nothing of. Inwardly sighing, he sheathed his sword and followed her out.   
  
Keeping to the shadows, he pursued her through the city. He wondered what Myrelle would have to say about this…that was an amusing thought. Myrelle knew beyond doubt that he would never be as dedicated to her as he had been to Moiraine, as he always would be to Nynaeve, but he still had a Warder's obligations.   
  
He did not want to follow her up onto the wall. Resignedly he climbed up, not hurrying but walking steadily. By the time he reached the top, Nynaeve was nowhere to be seen. Lan scanned the walls for her, to no avail. He saw a small figure moving below, and pushed himself against the edge of the wall. Nynaeve was making her way out, toward a figure slumped on its side about a mile out. Cursing his luck, Lan sprinted from the wall and out after her. The guard did not even attempt to stop him.   
  
Nynaeve was already at the limp figure when Lan burst through the gate. He ran silently after her, quickly gaining ground. When they came within clear view, Nynaeve had revived the other, and Lan now saw that it was Perrin.   
  
Lan knew Nynaeve and Perrin were too intent in their conversation to have seen the Trollocs approaching them. He laid a hand on Nynaeve's arm when he reached them, but she pulled away.   
  
"Al'Lan Mandragoran, what are you doing here?"   
  
"Nynaeve, this is no time for you stubbornness…" Before he could warn her, she had interrupted. They argued for a minute, until they saw exactly what he was looking at.   
  
Nynaeve found something else to argue about in record time. Perrin refused to leave, however. Lan only half listened, intent on observing the progress of the Trollocs.   
  
Not remembering having drawn it, he felt the hilt of his sword in his hand. When the first Trolloc came within reach, he cut it down, first severing its arm, then thrusting his blade through its chest and into the one behind. He whipped around, slicing into the thigh of the next. The Trolloc tried to block his next motion, but he cut into its neck easily, and it fell to the ground.   
  
He saw limbs ripping themselves from the Trollocs, skin peeling off in swift movements. He knew it was Nynaeve's power. The battle sprayed blood all over them. The acrid stench of Trolloc blood seeped into the air. Lan spun, sweeping his sword across the shoulders of a half-goat. Its head flew off, leaving its body to flail on the ground for a few seconds before becoming still.   
  
Lan saw Perrin bite into the throat of a Trolloc. Nynaeve saw as well, and she took it upon herself to save the man from her home village. Lan wanted to tell her to stop. She was already drained from healing and fighting. He did not have energy to spare, however. Trollocs kept coming toward them in waves, no matter how many they killed. Dead Trollocs, and pieces of them, lay strewn everywhere, their blood soaking the ground, and his and Nynaeve's clothes. They kept fighting. The lifeless bodies piled up.   
  
Nynaeve swooned. Rushing to her, Lan caught her just before unconsciousness swept over her. He looked at the approaching Trollocs. Holding Nynaeve tightly with one arm, he continued to hack at the creatures with his sword.   
  
Suddenly the Trollocs stopped fighting. Warily, Lan stopped as well, though he held his sword ready. A Myrddraal stepped through the gap made by the Trollocs. It held its Shayol Gul-forged sword toward them, using it to point.   
  
"Surrender, Human."   
  
Lan stared blankly. He clutched at Nynaeve, a deadweight in his arms.   
  
"Surrender and you will not be hurt. They want you unharmed."   
  
"Who?"   
  
"They want her."   
  
Lan wanted to laugh derisively at the suggestion that he give up Nynaeve. Glancing around, he saw that the Trollocs had closed in behind. They were trapped. There were too many to fight off, and Lan knew it. A Myrddraal would have no reason to be lying.   
  
"She will not be harmed?"   
  
The eyeless face of the Fade twisted into a mirthless smile. "She will not be harmed."   
  
End Chapter 11  
  
Review. Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzze? Pleezee? Now I'm just being silly. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Review? Please? REVIEW, I SAY.   
  
Ahem. 


	12. Perrin Returns

Chapter 12- Perrin Returns  
  
When he saw the Trollocs closing in, Perrin's wolf sense began to take over. He had learned not to fight it. His anger at Faile's capture mingled with his disgust at the Trollocs in general. When one came close enough, he leapt at it, tearing into it with his teeth. It's blood left a horrible taste in his mouth, and he was careful not to swallow as he savored the feel of their flesh ripping under his fierce bite.   
  
So intent was he on killing that he did not notice what Nynaeve had done until he was floating back toward Tar Valon. He kicked and struggled, but he could do nothing against the One Power. "Nynaeve! Let me down! You cannot control me! Stop this now!"   
  
She paid him no heed. Once he was safely on the other side of the wall, he saw her turn back to fight. Cursing, he ran down to the gate.   
  
"I'm sorry, sir, I can't open it."   
  
"I have to go back out there?"   
  
"Are you mad? With all those Trollocs? No, the gate stays closed."   
  
In rage, he rushed forward, pounding the gate with his fists. "Men! Get him under control!"   
  
Perrin heard comments like, "He's mad!" "Easy, man, just calm down!" "We don't want to have to hurt you!" He disregarded them, trying with all his might to get through the gate.   
  
At last he was subdued. He strained under the restraints of six men, every muscle in his body coiled and taut. He breathed heavily as he looked up at the captain of the guard. "What is your name, man?"   
  
"Perrin Aybarra!" he spat. "I've been a captive of Trollocs, Halfmen, and Forsaken for the past four years! They still have my wife, and I'm going back out to save her or die trying!"   
  
The captain looked at him with a strange expression. "Alert the Amyrlin," he said to the messenger. He ran off toward the Tower with all haste. Then the captain turned back to Perrin.   
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Egwene, that is one thing you can not ask of me."   
  
"Rand, please."   
  
"No. I'm not going to gentle Nynaeve just because you think it's unsafe for her to be using saidin."   
  
"Isn't it?"   
  
"Probably. But no more dangerous than saidar. Besides, she still has her block. Until that disappears, she's not nearly as dangerous as you are. Potentially she is, but not in reality."   
  
"Have you ever seen her channeling in reality? She is more dangerous than you."   
  
A knock sounded. "What is it, Elayne?"   
  
"A messenger from the gate. He says he has an urgent message."   
  
The messenger stepped nervously forward. Rand thought he reminded him of himself, when he had first gone before Queen Morgase. "Mother, a man just arrived in Tar Valon, but wants to go back out. He says he has been a captive of Trollocs. He was out of control, and the guards had to restrain him. He says his name is Perrin Aybarra."   
  
Egwene and Rand stared at each other for a moment. Then, simultaneously, they bolted for the door.   
  
The entire city seemed to move out of the way for them. They ran, heedless of anything or anyone around them, until they reached the gate. There, they saw the aforementioned man with three men on each of his arms.   
  
"Perrin!" Rand called. He was panting when they halted before the guards.   
  
"Let him go," Egwene said calmly. The guards obeyed immediately, dropping their hold. Perrin fell to his knees, but quickly pushed himself back up, growling inhumanly.   
  
"Perrin, what happened to you?"   
  
"The important question is, what happened to Faile. She is still out there. I promised her I'd come back for help. I didn't want to leave her, but she told me I was doing no good to her while we were both captured. She said if I couldn't come back for help, then how would we ever get free? So I left."   
  
"What's going on now?"   
  
"Trollocs attacked us."   
  
"Us?" Egwene repeated sharply.   
  
"Nynaeve and Lan were out there with me."   
  
Egwene's head whipped around toward the closed gate.   
  
"Open the gate," Rand commanded.   
  
"I'm sorry, Lord Dragon, the gate stays closed."   
  
Rand made as if to step forward. "No, he's right, Rand," Egwene said. "I don't even think they're still out there."   
  
He stopped. "You mean…"   
  
"No. They're just not there anymore. They're still alive."   
  
"Well we have to get them back."   
  
"We will, but I don't know how. No one saw them being taken. We don't even know where they are."   
  
Perrin growled. "I know."   
  
End Chapter 12   
  
Sorry this chapter is so short, but it is what it is. The next one will most likely be longer.   
  
Please Review. 


	13. Surrender

This is the chapter you've all been waiting for…even if you don't know it. Trust me, by the end you'll know why you've been waiting for it.   
  
Chapter 13- Surrender  
  
Nynaeve's head was throbbing when she woke. She was in a dimly lit chamber, with stone walls and a dirt floor. She put a hand to her temple. "Where am I?"   
  
"Outside of Tar Valon is all I know," a comforting voice answered. Nynaeve looked up to see Lan standing against the wall, facing her.   
  
"How did we get here?"   
  
Lan did not waver. "I surrendered to the Trollocs."   
  
"What?! Why would you do a thing like that? Do you know what's going to happen to us now?" She wanted to be angry, but she was too frightened.   
  
"No, I don't. And neither do you. There were too many, Nynaeve. I would never have been able to get you back to Tar Valon." She took in the blood splattered on his clothes.   
  
"Are you hurt?"   
  
Lan looked down at his clothes. "Trolloc blood. I've got a few bruises, but nothing serious. You've got Trolloc remains all over your dress, as well."   
  
So she did. Nynaeve sighed and vainly brushed at a spot of blood. "What do we do now?"   
  
"Well, you could always channel our way out of the cell, but you'd never be able to get us past the Trollocs."   
  
"I'm the one who has to do all the work now?"   
  
"No. I've already looked out. See for yourself."   
  
Nynaeve walked to the door, where the dim light was coming from, and peeked out of the small, iron-barred window. As far as she could see, there were Trollocs, gathered around fires. A few Fades strolled among them.   
  
"I see your point," Nynaeve submitted. "And I still have my block, anyway. But we can't stay here. We cannot just accept our fate at the hands of Trollocs."   
  
"I think 'at the hands of the Dark One' would be more accurate."   
  
"This is no joking matter."   
  
"I was not joking, Nynaeve. I think they are keeping us here for him."   
  
She fell silent. If that was true, there was no telling how long they would be trapped here. *Wonderful. I'm imprisoned in a dirty room with the one man I would love to be miles away from.*   
  
"You could have just left me behind."   
  
"No I could not," Lan said firmly. "I could never do that."   
  
"Your bond is to Myrelle. Your loyalties should be with her. You should never have followed me to begin with, where I was going was none of your business."   
  
"I sensed that you would be in trouble. I had to follow you."   
  
"What are you talking about? I can take care of myself."   
  
"You are never going to admit that even you sometimes need help."   
  
"I admit it already. But not from you."   
  
"You are so stubborn, Nynaeve! Whether you will see it or not, you would not have lived were it not for me."   
  
"I don't know about that. They probably would have just taken me. Not that that's any better. But that's not the point. Why can't you just leave me alone? Why can't everyone just leave me alone?"   
  
"I will never leave you alone, Nynaeve. Even if you never really acknowledge me, I will forever be your shadow, your hidden protector."   
  
"Why? Why should you care?"   
  
"Because I love you, Nynaeve. I always have."   
  
Nynaeve's eyes widened at Lan's honesty. He never said anything straight out. "Why haven't you said anything? If you love me, why have you let me suffer for so long?"   
  
"The ter'angreal. You stayed, you did not come out, but you remained with whatever life you liked better than one with me. You left me, Nynaeve."   
  
"No, I didn't!" she exclaimed. "I stayed because of you. *For* you. It's all your fault, al'Lan Mandragoran!"   
  
"What is? What do you mean?"   
  
"I stayed because in the ter'angreal, you were my husband. We were together, and happy. When *you* kissed me, I forgot about my life. Therefore I blame it all on *you*. When I came back out, I suffered so much from not being with you, and you just let me! How could you do that if you really loved me?"   
  
"I was not sure you still loved me," he said simply. "How was I supposed to know what went on inside the ter'angreal?"   
  
"You were supposed to know."   
  
"Nynaeve, now we both know what happened-"   
  
"There isn't time for that now, Lan. We have to find a way out of here, one that will keep us alive."   
  
"Not time? If we die attempting to escape there won't be any time for *anything*. Why not talk about it now?"   
  
"If we do, and then the Dark One shows up before we have time to come up with a plan, then we'll be doomed."   
  
"We're all doomed anyway, Nynaeve. You might as well have one good thing in your life."   
  
"I had one, until Moiraine showed up in Emond's Field."   
  
"I did not have any. You could have one now. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. If *you* love me, why do you not want that?"   
  
"I don't want to be hurt the way I was when I left the ter'angreal. You have no idea how much it hurt."   
  
"You won't. I will never leave you."   
  
"How do you know I won't leave you?"   
  
"Nynaeve, stop this. Don't you see what you're doing? You're making excuses not to be with me. I have given you my promise never to hurt you. I will guarantee you will never have to leave me, for I would follow you anywhere. Where is the risk? I do not see it, if there is, is it not worth taking? Why don't you just give in, Nynaeve? You know you want to."   
  
"I don't know!" she was hysterical, without knowing exactly why. Light, what was wrong with her? She was being offered love, a devoted Warder- it was plain that Lan did not intend to stay with Myrelle. Why didn't she accept it?   
  
Lan was right behind her now. Her head was screaming for her to move, but her feet would not obey. "I love you, Nynaeve. That is all I can say."   
  
He walked away, presumably to the other side of the room. Nynaeve felt the tears sting in her eyes, but she blinked them back. "I love you too, Lan," she said quietly.   
  
In a split second he was by her side. He took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. She surrendered her heart and soul to him completely.   
  
In that moment she felt something shatter. At first she began to panic, but the sudden presence of saidar- and saidin- calmed her. Lan stared at the shocked expression on her face. "Nynaeve, what happened?"   
  
"The…the block," she said wonderingly. "It's gone."   
  
Lan grinned sardonically. "Wouldn't you know it," he muttered.   
  
An explosion sounded below. "What was that?" Nynaeve asked. More explosions followed.   
  
Lan looked grimly out into the plethora of Trollocs. "I think our rescue party is here. I see Rand…Egwene…and Perrin. Some others are following, I cannot make them out yet. Oh, look at that, Myrelle is here." He did not sound thrilled to see her.  
  
"Now is as good a time as any. Get us out of here, my love."   
  
Nynaeve did not even bother with a doorknob. She blasted the entire wall away. Weaving saidar and saidin into the same flow, she cut down Trollocs left and right. The weave she made killed tens simultaneously. She had learned, in her study of healing, effective ways to cause injury and death.   
  
Egwene saw them and called out, "They're over there! Hurry, Nynaeve, Lan, we can't kill them all! Let's get out of here!"   
  
Nynaeve found her hand in Lan's as they ran after the others. In his other hand he held his sword, slicing occasionally at the Trollocs that would not quit. Nynaeve continued to kill as many as she could as long as they were still among the camp of the Shadow.   
  
They had broken free of the main camp, but many pursued them. Egwene gestured to them from behind a tree. "What are you doing, Egwene, we have to keep running!" Nynaeve yelled.   
  
"No, come here." Egwene and Rand pulled them to the tree.   
  
"What are we doing here?"   
  
"This area is protected. We will not be seen by any being of the Shadow for the remainder of the night. We can rest here until the camp is quiet, then make our way back to Tar Valon through the trees."   
  
"Trees- wait, Egwene, where did these trees come from?"   
  
"I'm sorry to say I do not know. If I did, I might be able to understand why this area is safe."   
  
Soon after, Egwene, Rand, Perrin, Faolain, Elayne, Myrelle, and two others were all sound asleep. Lan and Nynaeve were too busy being in love for such trivial things as sleep.   
  
End Chapter 13  
  
I hope that was somewhat enjoyable. Next chapter Faile is going to show up. I have not yet *told* you whether she is alive, so don't assume she is. And don't assume she's not. Anyway, that is of no importance now.   
  
Review please. It means much lots to me. 


	14. Treesinging

Chapter 14- Treesinging  
  
Loial bent, placing his hand to the ground, and began his throaty, deep song. A sapling sprang up in that spot, and quickly grew into a full-fledged tree. He had been doing this for the past three days, adding to the forest he had begun to create a few months before.   
  
Tarmon Gai'don, the true battle, had finally passed. It had swept them up over two weeks earlier, and ended five days ago, leaving Tar Valon, the last city standing in their civilization, in ruins. The *Avendoraldera* that had grown secretly in the gardens of the white tower was destroyed. It had been the last.   
  
He had known the day would come when it would all be over, and their last city would be lain to waste. Not to be phased, Loial had created the small forest outside of the city, close to where he knew the Trolloc army was camped. His one talent that he felt proud to be proud of was his ability as a Treesinger. It was all he had left to offer the few- very few- survivors of the final collision with the Shadow.   
  
Turning in his slow, melancholy way, Loial surveyed these survivors. Rand was there, tall, hard, and with a face that showed his determination to find a new life, even after all hope seemed lost.   
  
Perrin loomed, as large as ever, his shining yellow eyes observing countless details, taking in every aspect of everything they saw. The wolves he had once been connected with were gone, taken by the war. Perhaps there were more in some far-off land. Who knew? None of those among them had ever been beyond the Aryth Ocean or the Aiel Waste. How could they guess what lay where maps did not show?   
  
But sadder than the absence of the wolves, which Perrin had treated as brothers, was the woman he carried with him. She was just barely alive, and Loial thought it cruel to keep her so. She could not eat or drink, or barely move, on her own. Perrin waited on her, refusing to leave her behind or let her die. From time to time, late at night when Loial could not sleep, he heard Perrin whisper, "Faile…my Faile…"   
  
Egwene's eyes, which had been so full of life were now dulled. She had been hit hard by the loss of the White Tower. She felt as though she had failed the people of Tar Valon by letting it fall. Though the others spent many hours attempting to convince her that she was not to blame, she seemed to have lost any desire to live. She had told him once, when he had asked, "I do not deserve the comfort of death. My punishment for letting our last remaining home die is to have to live knowing I would have rather died with it."   
  
By some stroke of chance, which Mat cursed continuously, Tuon, the Daughter of the Nine Moons, had survived the apocalypse. "Why, why in the name of the Light, must I be cursed with this oddity of a human being?" He continuously asked. As always, Tuon seemed oblivious to these comments. She stayed with Mat now because there was nowhere else for her to go. Indeed, there was nowhere for anyone to go.   
  
Gawyn, Egwene's Warder, was alive and fighting still. Loial had been disbelieving when the man dragged himself off the battlefield, bloody and delirious, and stumbled to where Egwene sat. She had enough skill in healing that she was able to help him, enough to keep him alive. Loial was convinced that it was a simple matter; he refused to die if she was still alive to protect.   
  
There were two Loial had not known before, a robust, middle-aged man with a thick moustache named Jamin, and a girl of no more than fourteen. The girl was slender with delicate features, and went by the name of Ilhandra. Both were exquisitely subdued, and barely talked, though they were always willing to do whatever chore needed to be done. Loial supposed they were simply lucky to be alive.   
  
The last of their party was, to Loial, the most surprising. As steadfast as a stone, sadder than the death of the groves, was Lan. Thrice a Warder, once in love, millions of times battle-hardened, but only once left so empty as the night Nynaeve had died.   
  
After returning to Tar Valon when Lan and Nynaeve had been rescued, somehow Lan's bond had been transferred from Myrelle to Nynaeve. From what Loial could gather, Nynaeve had threatened the other until she agreed. In the short time they were allotted, Lan and Nynaeve became completely inseparable. He would not leave her side, and she did not seem to want him to.   
  
That fateful night, the last night of the Last Battle, Nynaeve had allowed Rand to take control of her power. Lan at her side protected her with his blade when she could not do anything for herself. Rand retained some of the power she leant him after she died, long enough to rid the world forever of the wielder of Shadow, Shai'tan. But alas, Nynaeve passed.   
  
Lan had not seen the Fade that snuck his tainted blade into her ribs. The Myrddraal had come from nowhere. It was not lost on him, however, when Nynaeve gasped in pain, and crumpled to the ground. He caught her, and he was with her during the last moments of her life.   
  
As had been said by so many, Lan courted death, but he was never the one death chose. It was always the ones closest to him that were claimed when it was time for someone to go. Longing to be taken, he would not be. Not for a long time.   
  
"Loial. Can we continue? If you hurry with the last three, we can be back at the camp before night falls."   
  
Their camp had been moved that day, for the third time in two weeks. They were making good progress through the wasteland as he slowly cultivated his forest. Every night they had to return to the camp, instead of traveling on. There were two reasons. One was the weariness which never failed to set in after a day of walking and creating trees, and the other was the fog, which descended every night to cover them in a moist, white blanket.   
  
Loial straightened once again, sighing sleepily. "That is the last I can manage today. Let's return to the camp."   
  
As they had done every day for the past five days, they all turned slowly to face the direction they would soon walk in. They trudged to their makeshift shelter, climbing into the comfort of thin blankets and roots that poked into your back, no matter how often you changed position.   
  
The next morning, Perrin was the first to notice that Lan was nowhere to be seen. They searched all the area they could, but found no sign of him. He had disappeared. Loial knew he wanted to. He knew, somehow, that the night before, Lan had kept walking.   
  
End of Story   
  
Thank you all for reading!! I want to especially thank White-wolf and Psycho Goddess, who had reviewed frequently with positive feedback. I love you guys.   
  
*Sprinklings of One Power for all!*   
  
If you have any questions about the story, feel free to e-mail me or IM me if you see me on. I'll be happy to answer, if I know the answer myself. 


End file.
